As your life gets busier and busier with each child, do you find yourself moving further away from your husband? Do you want that bond you once had? Do you want to find joy and happiness that comes with having a good relationship?
All relationships take effort! But what can you do to reconnect with your other half? Here are some simple tips that have worked wonders for my relationship.
1. Go out with your husband once a month
I know what you’re thinking, there is no way I can leave the kids! Well, if you want a healthier relationship with the one you will be with, when the kids have left the house, then you have to make the time!
- Pick a week of the month and stick to it. For us it’s the 1st week of the month.
- Babysitters can be your mother or his mother, or someone you trust.
- After the kids are put to bed, set off for a long walk, date night or a simple hour at the coffee shop.
- The key is to spend time together outside of the house.
- Make sure you are groomed nicely to set a beautiful mood.
2. Enhance your natural beauty when welcoming your man home
Touching-up your makeup, spraying some perfume, and putting on a great smile with a warm “Assalamu alaikum!”, when your husband arrives at the door after work, will make him love you all over again! I know how busy you’ve been all day, and you’re probably thinking, ”When am I supposed to do this?” Here are some pointers which work for me:
- Set up your phone alarm 15 minutes before he arrives and when you hear the buzzer, find a mirror and do your magic!
- Wear something cute and colorful just for him. He will appreciate the little extra you do for him, especially when your regular attire follows a modest hijab outdoors. This shows him that you enjoy sharing your private beautiful side with him and him alone. He wants to see your lovely curves, your flowing hair and your radiant smile.
- Looking happy = Feeling happy! Remind yourself, it’s Sunnah to smile, and you are getting immense hasanats (rewards) in pleasing your husband. The compliments and attention you’ll receive, will be well worth it!
3. Have a husband night
What does your husband like to do? Watch a movie? Follow his favorite sports team? Or listen to an informative lecture? You know just what it is. So whenever you feel like treating him, do the following:
- Send the kids to bed.
- Get out all his favorite snacks, tea, etc. ready on a tray.
- Set up a comfy place for the both of you to relax, pillows really help.
- Do not discuss stressful, problematic topics. Let him enjoy his night knowing you’ve made it happen. Smile and enjoy it with him.
- He’ll love it when you show interest in his hobbies or passions.
4. Let him know verbally what it is you want
You assume your husband knows exactly what you want and need. But when you don’t get it, you become angry and sour. Let’s face it, he can’t read your mind no matter how many hints you’ve put out there. Men are simple creatures, not complicated like us. Remember the following:
- Be specific and clear.
- Never make demands even if you think you deserve it.
- Instead, try expressing it in a wish; “Oh, I would love to go on vacation to___ in the summer.”
- After you’ve stated your wish, leave it alone and let him decide when and how. Being surprised is half the fun!
5. Show your appreciation for all that he does
Thank him for the everyday little things, big things and special things. When he gives you something you’ve wished for, show your appreciation to him, verbally and emotionally. It doesn’t matter how big or small the gift is, he deserves a “Thank You! Jazakallah khair! Gracias!
6. Say “Yes” to intimacy more often
I don’t think we realize how biologically different men are from us. Our need for romance is similar to their need for physical contact. Their need for physical contact is crucial for them to re-energize and de-stress. If you really think about it, it doesn’t take too much to make him happy. How about we become a little more consistent and generous about it.
7. Give him the respect as head of the household
Your husband wants your respect, more than your love. Of course, respect works both ways. Lets continue this wonderful Sunnah, especially when our kids are watching us. As your kids get older, you’ll realize that peace in the home is gained much faster when you allow your husband to have the final say in some things. I do it, because I feel I have too much on my plate already.
8. Trusting him in his abilities
- When he offers to give you a few hours and watches the kids, don’t tell him how to do it. He is not a babysitter, he’s their father.
- When you ask him to repair the leaking sink for example, speak to him as if you believe he is capable of getting the job done. Even if you think he hasn’t a clue! You’ve given him a task, let him live up to it. If you believe in him, he’ll believe in himself.
- Remember, you are not his mother, you are his wife. Treat him like your man, not like your child.
Life it so beautiful when there is harmony in the home. Believe it or not, there is a lot you can do to make that happen. Why not start today? If you’re looking for simple ways to reconnect with your wife, please read my post on “5 Steps To Reconnect With Your Wife“