Many a time, I visit sisters (my friends), and spend some hours listening to what they are going through and how they juggle their busy lives. MashaAllah, I am always amazed at the wonderful moms they have become. I love learning from them and I love laughing with them about the silly things we go through, but I feel sad when I hear that they are not satisfied with themselves.
SubhanaAllah, why are we so hard on ourselves as mothers? Don’t we realize that Allah (swt) has given us the gift to nurture and care for an entire family? I guarantee you, a man would not survive in our place, and that is why motherhood is such an honor. We need to realize this honor, but also take care of ourselves.
How is this possible? Here are 7 simply step to remember yourself.
1. Take pride in your everyday accomplishments
Hey sister, you’re really special! I love the way you make that meal, I love the way you decorate your living room, I love the way you bring up your kids. Whatever it is, there is something that you do really well. And even though we sisters don’t tell you – we think you’re cool. Look at your efforts, smile and say Alhamdulillah, because you have done many good things today.
2. Reward yourself with a little treat daily
You have worked so hard to keep up the fort while your husband’s at work, so treat yourself. This can be as little as a piece of yummy chocolate, some buttery popcorn or a small purchase from the store – this all depends on your budget. One thing to remember is, if you are home with your kids all day, it might be more beneficial if you have that piece of chocolate alone in a quiet room. Enjoy that chocolate slowly, so you can actually taste it. This is a treat that you deserve so no need to feel guilty!
3. Take time to just breathe
Remember your super naps during long college days and work days? It was only 15 minutes, but oh-so-needed. So how come you don’t nap anymore? Forget the “I can’t”, “That’s not me”, “I am not used to it” excuses. I used to say this myself, but then I would see my husband taking power naps and I noticed how calm and energized he felt afterwards. I tried it one day, and let me tell you, its is well worth it. Need another reason? Its sunnah to nap at midday. So, go on, take a snoozer while your kids are napping or playing quietly. Don’t worry about the dishes, they can wait!
4. Do something fun for yourself
This shouldn’t have anything to do with your children and husband. You do so much for your family, you need to grow and prosper as an individual as well. Remember that it can’t be physically straining, you’re already doing a lot. It must be something that recharges your batteries, not deplete them. A few things that work for me are:
- Reading, writing
- Drawing, painting
- Watching a funny TV show like “I love Lucy”
- Doing my hair and makeup
- Decorating flowers in a vase
- Going for a walk
5. Do not allow anyone to put you down
I love my husband dearly, but sometimes he can be a bit, how do I say… demanding. Why? Because he’s not home all day with the kids and doesn’t know what it feels like to be in my shoes. If he has helped me in the past, he probably has forgotten how it is. If your hubby expects too much sometimes, and he makes certain negative comments, stay calm and just remind him that you have a lot on your plate. You can’t do it all, and you need his help. He is there to help you, you just need to ask. May Allah (swt) make it easy on us, ameen.
If this is something you face, you may want to email this article “My Apology To Stay At Home Moms” to your husband, so he can get a man’s point of view on things, albeit isn’t exactly how a woman would do it, but it gets the message across 😉 .
Never allow anyone to make comments that put you down – from friends or family. If you want to improve your situation, you need to have a positive attitude! You need to believe in yourself and Allah (swt), and remember that He has placed you in this position through His mercy. You are surrounded with innocent, beautiful gifts of God – children! Through His Abundant Mercy for them, He will have Mercy on you! Angels surround children who are not accountable for their actions, and protect them. What better place can there be?
6. Build sister support
As women, we de-stress by talking about what has happened in our day, or the problems in our lives. We just want to be heard! Receiving support does not mean we need someone to solve our problems. It is a good idea to confide in a sister that you trust, and she should have a positive outlook on life and make you feel good about yourself. You can find ways to share by,
- Speaking to a sister over the phone
- Meeting a sister for coffee/ tea at a cafe
- Emailing or texting a sister
7. Put your trust in God (Allah (swt))
It’s the end of the day and you’re still feeling like there are things that haven’t been completed. Well, let me just say, “That’s life”! No matter if you have 1 kid or 4 kids, if you have babies or adolescents, you are going to feel overwhelmed to manage all your duties. That’s the beauty of improving, growing and looking forward to a new day and a new slate. Whatever outcome you see, put your trust in Allah (swt) He Sees All, He Knows what is in your heart, and He will Guide you. All you have to do is TALK to Him and ASK Him for what you need.
I love you my dear sisters, all around the world, for the sake of Allah. Remember to take care of yourself. I pray for your home to be filled with peace and happiness always, ameen.